Nik could hear the perp’s breathing all the way from the walkway leading to the tunnel under the highway. He hunkered down on his haunches beside the wooden bench, waiting. The man’s fear and cologne mixed in a rancid stench preceding his appearance at the mouth of the tunnel.
He was running full out, looking over his shoulder, when Nik rose and stepped into his path.
“Oh, shit!”
The perp slammed into him with a yelp and tried dodge away, but Nik knocked him into the grass and clamped a hand to his collar, planting a knee between his shoulder blades.
“There are a few folks looking for you, Mr. Hemmings.”
Nik always gets his man. :)
Also, the winner of the free ebook from Adonis Devereux is Tory Michaels! Congratulations, Tory. :D
Thanks for stopping by. If you'd like to read more of the authors participating in the #FridayFictioneers, please drop by Madison Woods' site. Thanks for stopping by and happy reading! :)
I enjoyed your story. It has a very "law and order" feel to it and I just imagine a similar kind o take-down at central park. Here's mine: http://postcardfiction.com/2012/04/13/the-incident/
ReplyDeleteNick is really the man of the moment, so efficient and effeictve in getting his men! A good detective piece
ReplyDeleteHere is mine: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/flash-fiction-story-eloped/
Slam-dunk. Nik gets the bad guy. Great detective setting.
ReplyDeleteHere's mine: http://bit.ly/HCPVlA
Very good, I'd love to read more. Your writing drew me in right away.
ReplyDeleteHere's mine:http://teschoenborn.com/2012/04/13/friday-fictioneers-3/
Well done, so much action in so few words!! Great job!
ReplyDeletehttp://swthink.blogspot.com/2012/04/michael.html
Exciting, gritty, and graphic. Could slide this little story inside a much longer story and it would all make great sense. Here's mine: http://furiousfictions.com.
ReplyDeleteDear Siobhan,
ReplyDeleteNik sounds like a tough customer. Good sense of smell, too. He seems haunted by the mystery of his origins, though, and will always be searching for the missing 'c' in his name. Great character!
Aloha,
Doug
http://ironwoodwind.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/bermuda-triangle-summer/
I love that word - 'perp'. Well and truly nailed I think, both the perp and the story. Nice one.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.writewords.org.uk/archive/28707.asp
Sandra, I tried to visit your site, but it wouldn't let me comment without logging in. :(
DeleteI like Nik. He knows what he's doing. Now he's going to have to take a shower to get rid of that smell.
ReplyDeletethanks for the nice comment on mine.
http://russellgayer.blogspot.com/
Sounds like a bit from a larger story. If so, the full story is probably really good! Nice piece.
ReplyDeleteGotcha! I'd surely like Nik on my side. I likes the element of smell in your story as well. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDelete~Susan (http://www.susanwenzel.com/)
"like" *sigh*
DeleteShort, sharp actions at the end. The kind of passage that, encountered in the middle of the book, would make me flip pages back to see what had gone before.
ReplyDeleteWell drawn scene and action. Good job.
ReplyDeleteHere's mine: http://wp.me/p1Tjpv-a5
Very nice description of the scene. And thanks for introducing me to a new word - perp!
ReplyDeleteThis was a good read, I enjoyed reading it.
You can find my entry here:
Http://faitaccompli.wordpress.com
I can only assume Nik is a werewolf of some kind, with that sense of smell! The idea of such a creature being a law enforcement officer (or similar) is an interesting one.
ReplyDeletehttp://garybaileywriting.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/134/
Nicely played.
ReplyDelete-Judee from WordPress write tuit. Thanks for your visit.
Come to NYC, read the papers to meet real perps. I often wonder how they do it but they are well trained just like your Nik. Well done. Here's mine:
ReplyDeletewww.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com
I can just imagine him sitting on the bench waiting for him to stumble into his hands! Nicely done and I loved the cop jargon...very believable!
ReplyDeleteI liked your use of jargon and Nik's success - you clearly know your genre. One thing that pulled me up short was the large amount of description (although forgive me if that's a genre thing).
ReplyDeleteIn my view, the piece would be stronger with fewer adjectives, and also I really struggled with the walkway leading to the tunnel under the highway. Just too many clauses in that one for me!
Anyway, like I say, this may be a genre thing, I haven't read this kind of fiction for a while, so I'm no expert.
I’m over here: http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/friday-fiction-the-tunnel/
Nicely written. Looking forward to reading more.
ReplyDeleteMine's here
http://tollykitsjourney.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/flash-fiction-story-1-for-fridayfictioneers/
What a clever idea to use a recurring character. Nicely done.
ReplyDeletehttp://shirleymccann.blogspot.com/2012/04/nightmare.html
I liked this, and love when you use these characters in your Friday flashes :)
ReplyDeleteGreat hardboiled feel to this one, nicely paced and the whole thing had a Mickey Spillane vibe to it. Gumshoe stories are always cool ;-) Great stuff.
ReplyDeletehttp://andyfloodwritersblog.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/meet-me-there/
You've done a great job of using description to give the reader a real sense of tension. Well done!
ReplyDelete