Moira’s strides carried her down the winding road skirted by early spring forest and barbed wire. The old fence posts showed their graying age, but they still held the rusted wire faithfully if not straight.
Rounding a corner, her heart jumped into her throat when she caught sight of an old, rusted Chevy pickup, nosing the wire like a curious puppy.
Aiden’s pickup.
Squinting to see through windshield glass reflecting sky, she slowed her steps. When had he come back? And why had he parked here?
A shadow moved within the cab and Moira froze, not certain she felt fear or elation when Aiden pushed open the truck’s door.
He met her eyes boldly, shocking her again. “Hello, Moira.”Thanks so much for stopping by. Be sure to check out the other authors who participate in #FridayFictioneers. Happy reading! :)
Oooh, something new? Great scene, Siobhan. Love the tentative title. I'm grinning over the 'curious puppy' description. :D
ReplyDeleteI agree, that 'curious puppy' line was an absolute winner. Good one this, nice sense of anticipation.
ReplyDeleteMine's at: http://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/03/30/i-met-this-guy-friday-fictioneers-30-march-2012/
This is great! I swear, I wrote mine before I read this. ;-)
ReplyDeletehttp://unspywriter.wordpress.com/2012/03/30/friday-fictioneers-yay/
I enjoyed the build up and the anxiety. it left me with a lot of qsns. Perhaps you should consider taking this to its conclusion. This would make a very good read!
ReplyDeleteHere's mine-
http://wp.me/p2u5W-81
This is so cute!
ReplyDeleteMy link is here: https://quillshiv.wordpress.com/2012/03/30/for-a-moment-sam/
You led me to the edge of my seat and I'm now teetering precariously, wondering what will happen next.
ReplyDeletemine's at http://russellgayer.blogspot.com/
Wonderfully developed setting. I, like your other readers, am chomping at the bit to experience the rest of the scene.
ReplyDeleteGreat work as always
Mine:
http://www.wakefieldmahon.com/1/post/2012/03/last-stand-fridayfictioneers.html
The curious puppy is a great analogy, the rest of the writing feels a tiny bit unpolished, but it definitely peaked my interest and curiosity to know more!
ReplyDeleteI’m over here: http://wp.me/p1PeVl-69
'Nosing the wire like a curious puppy'. Love that line! Great piece! Definitely leaves me wanting more!
ReplyDeleteA little suspense... a possible romance... Nice!
ReplyDeleteWeeeelll--I want more. I, too, liked the analagy of the "curious puppy." Looks like the start of a great romantic suspense to me. Well done.
ReplyDeleteMine: www.vlgregory-circa1800.vpweb.com/blog.html
Loved this. Great detail and imagery. Really, really liked the line "...nosing the wire like a curious puppy." Sooo good. Loved Aiden's surprise hello, too.
ReplyDeleteYou've read mine but for others, I'm at http://www.banterwithbeth.blogspot.com/
embedded with a promising seed of romance. A good tale is always a pinch of suspense and a flour of romance. Well done!
ReplyDeletehttp://seewilliams.wordpress.com/2012/03/30/iron-wall/
Oh, it's about get real good!! Love it
ReplyDeleteMy attempt: http://unduecreativity.wordpress.com/2012/03/28/state-pride/
Whew! Even though she recognized the it, I would have jumped out of my skin if I had seen a figure emerge from that old, rusted pick-up truck...no matter who he was. But then again...that's just me...I got spooked. Everybody else saw a seed of romances I wanted to run. lol. Here's mine:
ReplyDeletewww.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com
My reply came out goofy. Repeating it. (It may be the late hour and the long list of comments) Whew! Even though she recognized it (the truck)...I would have jumped out of my skin if I had seen a figure emerge from the old, rusted pick-up truck...no matter who he was. But then again...that's me...I got spooked. Everybody else saw a seed of romance, I wanted to run. ..see mine here: www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com
DeleteWhat! You just can't get us going and then pull out the rug! What, is this called FlashCliffHanger??? Good Job!
ReplyDeletehttp://tedstrutz.com/2012/03/30/flash-fridayfictioneers-lost-opportunity/
Dear Siobhan,
ReplyDeleteAiden needs a new ride!
Aloha,
Doug
As others have said, the "curious puppy" line is great! Certainly a different take on the prompt, there have been so many different ideas so far.
ReplyDeletehttp://garybaileywriting.wordpress.com/2012/03/30/fridayfictioneers-out-of-gas/
Ooh what a wonderful lead-in. I'm dieing to know who he is, an ex-lover perhaps?
ReplyDeleteHere's mine:http://teschoenborn.com/2012/03/30/friday-fictioneer-4/
Well, I am not sure this is one of your best offerings. You have alot verbiage here, that doesn't quite move along as rhytmically as your usual stuff and you have slipped in a few cliches (like Heart jumping into throat, and Froze from fear) that really jar from your usual slick writing.
ReplyDeleteI think I know what you are doing - trying to hone your romance skills, but I believe you should rewrite this - give it another edit - you know that I am not ashamed to re-edit mine even weeks after I post them. I look back and think?????did I say that? NO nO no, let me try again.
Hope you take this in good spirits, because I know you are a good writer...
I just reread the above and see that it could use some editing also! I have one more thing to add.
ReplyDeleteMoira is one of the most difficult names to use, pronounce or understand that we have in the English language and I caution you about using it.
Truly intriguing...I like how you made me jump at the end. I am curious to know more about what history these two share.
ReplyDeleteMine is here: http://erinleary.wordpress.com/2012/03/30/flash-fiction-friday/
I can sense the promise of more to come in this one Siobhan and am looking forward to its evolution into future flashes as well.
ReplyDelete