Great arches in white soared above Leo’s head and looped like billowing clouds strung on ivory pillars. Sweet, distant music played in the echoing space and diffused light appeared to come from everywhere. A walkway stretched across his field of vision, filled with meandering figures in no apparent hurry. To his left a fountain cascaded down a white marble statue, the water splashing in a harmonious melody in sync with his heart.
“Hey, buddy, are you feeling better?” a familiar voice asked.
“Am I in Heaven?” Leo focused on the speaker.
“Nah, man. You fainted in the Mall of America!”
Thanks for stopping by and be sure to visit the other authors of the Friday Fictioneers here. Happy reading! :)
Hahahaha. I *hate* it when that happens. Funny story, Siobhan! :)
ReplyDeleteHere's mine: http://www.caramichaels.com/defiantlyliterate/2012/01/20/fridayfictioneers-012012/
ROFL loved it. A beautiful, almost Victorian intro and then a two by four in the head with reality!
ReplyDeleteMine is at http://www.wakefieldmahon.com/1/post/2012/01/fridayfictioneers-major-change.html
That's a good one, Siobhan! I was thinking heaven, too, because my initial thought was to write about heaven. Loved the twist at the end!
ReplyDeleteHere'a link to mine:
http://www.jansthoughtsovercoffee.blogspot.com/2012/01/flashfriday-fridayfictioneers-red-white.html
Hi Siobhan, Excellent descriptive writing nicely merged into a storyline, with a modicum of humor thrown in for good measure. Skillful writing.
ReplyDeleteHere's mine: http://bridges are for burning.wordpress.com/
That is the second one about heaven today. The designer of DIA would be tickled. Fabulous!
ReplyDeleteHere is the link to my story and where you should post yours if you haven't already.
http://susielindau.com/2012/01/20/so-close-and-yet-100-word-flash-fiction/
Ahahaha. Now I have the sudden urge to go on a shopping spree now. Nice work!
ReplyDeleteThere I was, feeling all peaceful and serene and you jerk the rug out from under me. I loved the beautiful language in the first paragraph and the way you built up the expectation before the sudden change in course. Great job, Siobhan!
ReplyDeleteI know some people for whom that WOULD be Heaven. LOL!
ReplyDeleteHere's my story: http://wp.me/p24aJS-1P
It's hilarious how this photo reminded so many of a shopping mall and that shopping malls of this style remind so many of heaven.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written.
hahaha!
ReplyDeleteI almost pictured everything, right from the diffused light to slow moving people to the fountain! Until the anti climax... this was good fun! :)
LOL!!! Mall of America is more like Purgatory!
ReplyDeleteThis is great!
This is my contribution for the week: http://quillshiv.wordpress.com/2012/01/20/shrouds/
Dear Siobhan,
ReplyDeleteSorry I'm late with a comment. Busy weekend.
Fainted in the Mall of America? Loved it. Can you imagine if everyone who died woke up in a huge mall-like structure and had to meander for eternity..... Yikes.
Your story was a descriptive and well written surprise.
Aloha,
Doug