Can Sex be Funny?
I like to write a
touch of humor into all my stories, whether it be a sight gag or a funny line.
This is true even for the heart-pounding sexy parts of the story, the parts you
flip to when you’re standing in Barnes and Noble checking out the book
everyone’s been buzzing about.
But what of the sex
depicted in those novels? Realistic or not? I’d be willing to go out on a limb
and state that because it’s fiction and escapism at its finest you will rarely
read about any of the following:
- The heroine begging
off because it’s that time of month;
- The hero whining about
the last time he’s had a BJ and why he’s due, especially since it’s that time
of the month;
- The hero and heroine
bickering over who gets to take top or bottom or why her leg “does not go back
that far”;
- The heroine giving a
stern warning to the hero when his aim is anything but sure;
- Squeals over how cold
the lube is;
- The couple securing a
box of tissues for subsequent cleanup in advance of getting jiggy;
- The heroine dashing
off to pee afterwards so she can thwart another UTI;
- The hero laughing at
the heroine’s unsexy panties or vice-versa;
- The bored expression
on the dog’s face as she watches and you know she’s thinking, “damn I should
have whined to go out before they got started”;
- Either partner turning
their head to the side to belch from the rich dinner one of them sprang for to
set the mood for the night’s seduction;
- Frustrated sighs when
the pogo stick goes off course
This stuff happens!
But nobody writes about it because it’s not sexy. When the hero’s nostrils are
flaring with lust, the reader does not want to be informed about the heroine’s
unfortunate notice of a nostril nugget. Some human foibles do not make for good
reading.
BUT… in the right
moment, under the right circumstances, with the right characters, it can be a
win because it’s relatable. It’s sort of an innocuous means of breaking the
fourth wall, or stepping out of the story, if only briefly, to rib the audience
by saying, “Aren’t we silly creatures?” And you know what? Ain’t nothin’ wrong
with that.
BLURB for All's Fair in Love and War:
Only two obstacles
block Shelby Donaldson’s path to success at her new job–her sizzling hot
supervisor and his freezing cold attitude. Maybe her flirting got a little out
of hand at first, but that’s no reason for Mr. Sighs-A-Lot to screw her over in
her performance review.
Colin Montoya is not
going to fall for Shelby’s sex-in-a-suit brand of temptation. He’s got her
number and is not going to dial it, nor is he going to allow Shelby’s
philandering brother to marry his baby sister.
After an explosive
one-night stand goes awry, battle lines are drawn. But can the warring
co-workers negotiate a cease-fire long enough to realize their romantic fortunes
might just lie in each other?
EXCERPT
Colin watched Shelby leave, baffled as usual by her flighty
behavior. She was the most frustrating woman he had ever met, in more ways than
one. Having to work with her for three weeks had stretched his tolerance to the
limit. He was grateful to finally be rid of her, the signed performance review
in his hot little hands. If only his body felt the same way about her as his
head.
He rose from his chair and followed her out. He checked his
watch. Nearly five-thirty. Since it was also a Friday, happy
hour at the usual location awaited. Good thing, too, because he always felt
like a stiff drink after an exchange with Shelby Donaldson.
Shelby sashayed around the corner to her cubicle. Colin couldn’t
help but track her hips as they swayed. Exasperated with his unbidden reaction,
he made a hard right into his own cubicle and collapsed into his chair. After
lingering over a few last minute client details, he organized and stowed his
work, then headed out.
At Roscoe's Sports Bar and Grill in the heart of downtown Portland,
Oregon, Colin zeroed in on the tiny table a couple of his buddies had staked
out near the foosball tables. Pulling up a bar stool, he ordered a beer then
dove into the order of nachos that claimed nearly the entire surface of the
table. He and his friends caught up with each other, and he shared the reason
for his tardiness.
"Isn’t that her over there?" His friend and colleague
Allan pointed to a table of giggly women near the bar.
Colin turned and saw several women from his firm, including
Shelby.
"Yeah." He spun back around, hoping she hadn’t spotted
him.
"Which one is she?" his other friend, Christian,
asked.
"She’s the one in the red sweater with long dark hair
parted on the side, big hoop earrings with these stupid cats hanging from the
bottom, sinister blood red talons for fingernails. You can't miss her if you
look for the pall of obstinacy that surrounds her, sort of like Pigpen from
Peanuts with his cloud of dirt."
"The one with the nice rack?"
"I hadn’t noticed." Colin feigned disinterest, struggling
to keep all inflection from his voice.
“I guess you were too preoccupied with her pus – kitties.” Allen
slapped him on the back, and both friends guffawed.
If Colin were being honest, he’d have to admit that not much
about Shelby escaped his attention – hazel eyes that danced with amusement at
the oddest things, a laugh that contrasted sharply with her delicate features
in its bawdiness. And yes, she had a nice rack, as well as nice legs and a
tight little body she obviously pampered. Every square inch of her was designed
to distract and lure a man to his doom. Even her infectious laughter, which cut
through the din of the bar, got to him. It always had, but that lethal package
was marred by a personality made of piss and vinegar when she didn't get her
way. Given the inappropriateness of dating a co-worker, especially a
subordinate, he was almost grateful for the fatal flaw.
Colin escaped to the bathrooms to shut out the mirthful sounds.
On his return, he met Shelby in the narrow hallway. They did the obstacle dance
with each other before he stopped and stood to one side. As she nodded then
passed, he got a whiff of her perfume, the same scent she wore every day. Over
his shoulder, he watched her walk away before he continued back to his table,
shaking his head. He absolutely hated how she turned him upside down.
Lila Shaw is the pen
name for a writer of works of erotica and erotic romance. She also writes
adult fiction (novels and short stories in many genres) and non-fiction under
the pen name of Claire Gillian.
Lila’s erotic writings
typically involve strong-willed women, and are often playful, sarcastic and
even silly. She believes if you can’t occasionally laugh at the physical
aspects of love, you’re taking life far too seriously.
Her published works
include All's Fair in Love and War, short stories in the Midnight
Seduction and Stockings and Suspenders anthologies,
all from Evernight Publishing. As Claire Gillian, her debut novel, The
P.U.R.E. was released April 16th. Upcoming works include short stories
in the following anthologies: Conquest Through Determination (steampunk
themed from Pill Hill Press) and Tidal Whispers (ocean
creatures-themed from J. Taylor Publishing).
Lila lives in the Pacific NW with her very funny
husband and two sons. She works full time as a finance/operations
professional for a large insurance company.
If you'd like to get a copy of All's Fair in Love and War, you can find it here:
If you'd like to find out more about Lila, you can find her here:
Thank you so much for stopping by and happy reading! :)
