tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3660724681445159067.post1897233925381618982..comments2023-05-30T08:22:27.137-06:00Comments on The Weird, the Wild, & the Wicked!: #ThursThreads - The Challenge That Ties Tales Together - Week 89Siobhan Muirhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13653107467839760917noreply@blogger.comBlogger32125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3660724681445159067.post-84361304472315685592013-09-28T08:48:17.649-06:002013-09-28T08:48:17.649-06:00I took a while to pick a winner, and I apologize f...I took a while to pick a winner, and I apologize for the delay. I wanted to give each piece a chance to simmer in my brain and see which one stuck with me the most after a good night's sleep. Siobhan didn't prepare me for how difficult choosing a winner would be! Every single entry has positive points and I'm honored to have been asked to read them. <br /><br />Honorable mentions first:<br /><br />Brandon Yusuf Toropov: I was really intrigued with the premise and setting and would LOVE to hear why he killed the father and son.<br /><br />Jeffrey Hollar's Sales Pitch: Perhaps it's because I was in commission sales for over a decade, but the idea of a negative (but truthful) pitch for a supernatural PI really got me smiling. The concept reminds me a little of the Dresden Files, which I adore.<br /><br />And the winner of this week's Flash Fiction is Theresa Breaux. In 250 words she clearly established genre, setting, premise, and feel for the characters and their situation. The reader instantly wants to know what lead to this piece and what will come after it. The resulting story promises action, adventure, intrigue, sexual tension, and possibly an epic battle of good over evil. Bravo!<br /><br />Well done, Ms. Breaux! <br /><br />Thanks for having me, Siobhan! And may I say, if I was allowed to pick more people I would have. Truly excellent work from all participants!<br /><br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01534284446634705363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3660724681445159067.post-13985756750566956302013-09-28T08:33:25.084-06:002013-09-28T08:33:25.084-06:00"forth"
yeah… I should proof my replie..."forth" <br /><br />yeah… I should proof my replies better! LOL!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01534284446634705363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3660724681445159067.post-35348257700149754362013-09-27T12:45:01.177-06:002013-09-27T12:45:01.177-06:00Well done! I liked the descriptions and the premis...Well done! I liked the descriptions and the premise. You switch a little back and worth with tenses in the opening, but overall the delivery is solid.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01534284446634705363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3660724681445159067.post-24398044641595392932013-09-27T12:43:10.250-06:002013-09-27T12:43:10.250-06:00Made me smile -- great job!Made me smile -- great job!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01534284446634705363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3660724681445159067.post-28623966005104551122013-09-27T12:42:15.865-06:002013-09-27T12:42:15.865-06:00Well done!Well done!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01534284446634705363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3660724681445159067.post-70310764682198375492013-09-27T10:29:49.911-06:002013-09-27T10:29:49.911-06:00Well done! I had to re-read the opening a few time...Well done! I had to re-read the opening a few times to determine POV and who was speaking and when. I'm intrigued to hear what happens next.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01534284446634705363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3660724681445159067.post-86129822410552581892013-09-27T08:32:15.557-06:002013-09-27T08:32:15.557-06:00Nice! I was a little confused at the initial shado...Nice! I was a little confused at the initial shadow reference, trying to figure out if you were building the scene with visuals or if the shadow was indeed its own entity. I'd cut "at the edge closest to him" from the second sentence, it hampers flow and made me re-read it several times to get what you were trying to describe.<br /><br />The TV reference at the end had me wondering -- if this is a futuristic time frame/alternative world with magic, should I, as a reader, make the assumption that the character's reference is from MY pop culture history or does it mean something else entirely?Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01534284446634705363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3660724681445159067.post-64553217292499965752013-09-27T08:26:01.201-06:002013-09-27T08:26:01.201-06:00Very well done! I really liked the instant set up ...Very well done! I really liked the instant set up and the intrigue. I'd suggest if you expand this to shorten her initial check list with a serial listing of items divided by commas and then one "check" to save on words -- like you did in the last line of the paragraph.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01534284446634705363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3660724681445159067.post-10598808639223888992013-09-27T08:21:02.059-06:002013-09-27T08:21:02.059-06:00Lots of set up and background, with an unclear POV...Lots of set up and background, with an unclear POV until the end. I enjoyed the concept and the imagery, good job!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01534284446634705363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3660724681445159067.post-22502612445159426832013-09-27T08:17:31.182-06:002013-09-27T08:17:31.182-06:00Great scene and good dialogue -- I like it!Great scene and good dialogue -- I like it!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01534284446634705363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3660724681445159067.post-42124811379895352642013-09-27T08:15:48.520-06:002013-09-27T08:15:48.520-06:00Well done! We can all relate to a tale of revenge....Well done! We can all relate to a tale of revenge.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01534284446634705363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3660724681445159067.post-49149971318428872332013-09-26T20:20:59.373-06:002013-09-26T20:20:59.373-06:00Oh that's hilarious! I can just imagine. :) My...Oh that's hilarious! I can just imagine. :) My girls want to dress up as two of those dolls for Halloween. God knows what they'll actually look like when I'm done. :DAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3660724681445159067.post-15567159342134466932013-09-26T20:10:57.125-06:002013-09-26T20:10:57.125-06:00#ThursThreads is CLOSED. Thank you to everyone who...#ThursThreads is CLOSED. Thank you to everyone who wrote this week and I hope to see you next seek. :)Siobhan Muirhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00595776353171184107noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3660724681445159067.post-1958817403112098192013-09-26T19:40:57.232-06:002013-09-26T19:40:57.232-06:00I tweeted you about this, so if this isn't all...I tweeted you about this, so if this isn't allowed, no problem<br /><br />Re-posting to make a correction:<br /><br />I nervously shifted on my feet. I’d tied my dress shoes too tight and they were cutting into my feet. My neck sweated under my starched white collar. And I think my tie is choking me. <br /><br />“You know the policy, Jacoby.”<br /><br />“Yes sir. But I think an exception is warranted.”<br /><br />Edwin Allistar, CEO of Creighton University Hospitals and Clinics, ran a hand through his jet-black hair.<br /><br />“Why should I make an exception?”<br /><br />Folding my hands, I took a moment before I spoke. “Jimmy’s supervisor at the halfway house says he’s keeping up his studies. He’s also performed solidly at his part time job. He’s never missed a day of work and he’s passed every drug test. He’ll be off probation by graduation and he deserves a chance to put his degree to use.”<br /><br />Allistar nodded. “I see. I called the college today; they speak very highly of him. You do understand that, should I decide to hire him, your job is on the line. If he messes up, I’ll fire you both. Are you prepared to take on that responsibility?”<br /><br />I thought about it for a split second. “Yes, sir.” I fidgeted underneath the CEOs intense stare.<br /><br />“Then I can help you. I’ll hire him for four weeks. If those four weeks go well, I’ll hire him on a supervised basis for six months. Any problems and you’re both gone.”<br /><br />“Thank you, sir.” We shook on it and I walked from his office. I just hope I don’t regret this. <br /><br />@Aightball<br />250 wordsAightballhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10706831888613374173noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3660724681445159067.post-61944128293939378932013-09-26T18:36:57.039-06:002013-09-26T18:36:57.039-06:00Sales Pitch
Everybody has those moments in life w...Sales Pitch<br /><br />Everybody has those moments in life when they need a helping hand …a bit of a boost. If it happens to be you and you come looking for me, I gotta let you know I have a…unique skill set and I’m probably not the guy you need.<br /><br />Yeah, I am a private investigator and yeah I usually don’t have enough work to pay my bills, but let me break it down for you. If your partner swindled you out of your half of the invention that will forever change humanity …I’m not your guy. If you’re a homebody who has learned the love of your life is not as committed to a monogamous relationship as you and you need dirt on them…not my gig. If however, you are vexed, bedeviled or beleaguered by a being normally thought to be mythical, imaginary or non-existent…then I can help you.<br /><br />My name is Telemicus Maximiliano Wu and I’m a paranormal PI. Don’t worry if you Google’d me and got no hits. Don’t worry if I don’t offer you any verifiable references. Don’t worry if you have no idea how I have the chutzpah to claim to be a paranormal private eye. None of that really matters, dude.<br /><br />What does matter is that if everyone else has sent you packing, if nobody else believes a word you say and if nothing else seems to make any sense…then I can help you. Now have a seat, a coffee, a Danish and let’s discuss your case.<br /><br />250 words @klingorengiAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05504298750127152026noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3660724681445159067.post-1538589158269048212013-09-26T17:12:12.694-06:002013-09-26T17:12:12.694-06:00Seething, Sade demanded, “Where is he?”
The werew...Seething, Sade demanded, “Where is he?”<br /><br />The werewolf alpha scratched his chin. “Don’t know.”<br /><br />“When did you last see him?”<br /><br />“Couple days ago.”<br /><br />She wanted to scream. Or beat the crap out of the shifter. Neither was likely to happen. Warning growls from the pack trailed off and the cool desert night dropped a few degrees. Sinjen. Here. She could feel him. But how? Why? He was supposed to be in Chicago.<br /><br />“Come, Sade. They can do nothing.”<br /><br />His voice washed over her, touched lonely places she’d dammed up since leaving him. “I have to find Caleb.”<br /><br />“I know.”<br /><br />She whirled, fists clenched ready for battle. The look on his face undid her. Like air seeping from a balloon, her tension deflated. His full lips curled into a knowing smile.<br /><br />“Come with me.” He held out his hand and she took it without thought. With a curt nod to the pack, he led her away.<br /><br />Inside her SUV, Sinjen cupped her cheek and traced her lips with his thumb. “I’ve missed you.”<br /><br />“Me too you. Caleb’s in trouble, Sinjen.”<br /><br />“Then I can help you. The monster under this bed is unlike any you’ve faced before.”<br /><br />“I’ll figure out a way to kill it.”<br /><br />“And I will figure out a way to protect you.”<br /><br />“Nice to know you have my back.”<br /><br />“And your front.”<br /><br />“No time to play, Sinjen.”<br /><br />“There’s always time for this.” The vampire kissed her, his lips branding her mouth. “There. That’s better. Now let’s go wolf hunting.”<br /><br />250 words on the next WIP<br /><br />@SilverJames_<br />Silver Jameshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15606837105470988646noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3660724681445159067.post-89582980647741626372013-09-26T16:16:58.329-06:002013-09-26T16:16:58.329-06:00"Help me."
Fatima shook her clothed hea..."Help me."<br /><br />Fatima shook her clothed head, peered at him through the borders of another world, through a narrow slit in her facial veil, through a wall of bulletproof glass. Seeing her large eyes, infinite, beyond all borders, he could tell she had an edge. The small speaker above him amplified her voice, her impatience.<br /><br />"Let's review. You are in jail, awaiting trial for murder."<br /><br />"Yes."<br /><br />"You know this country finds itself hostile to Americans at the moment. And to spies in particular."<br /><br />"Yes."<br /><br />"I am here to get you out of this mess."<br /><br />"Yes."<br /><br />"I have a precondition. Tell me the truth about everything. You reject it."<br /><br />He took a deep breath. "I could go to jail for that."<br /><br />"You're already in jail, fool."<br /><br />She waited. Thelonius said nothing, but didn't break eye contact either.<br /><br />"Would you rather take your chances on this jail, where you die, probably before Ramadan, or the jail the Feds might send you to? Which they won't do, by the way. You will be a hero and I will keep your confidences. If you have doubts about me, overmaster them now. Two questions determine whether I do this. Did you kill that boy and his father?"<br /><br />Thelonius dove into those endless eyes again and heard himself say: "Yes."<br /><br />He heard her sharp intake of air, as through nostrils. An exhale as through her mouth.<br /><br />"Second question: How do you feel about that?"<br /><br />"I feel like somebody I don't know."<br /><br />"Then I can help you."<br /><br />250 WIP words<br />@bytoropovyusuftoropovhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18004039524825925903noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3660724681445159067.post-21586615519665591442013-09-26T16:02:14.738-06:002013-09-26T16:02:14.738-06:00Caldwell Keller took a last drag from his cigarett...Caldwell Keller took a last drag from his cigarette before flicking the butt away. He turned his attention to the massive acidic glob diffusing the reek of the treatment bed at the edge closest to him.<br /><br />“So, I don’t even know if you’re sentient, let alone if you can understand me…”<br /><br />Caldwell’s shadow danced irritably around the thing, which for its part still hadn’t moved in the hour since Caldwell had ducked into the sewage plant. It had been moving when he arrived, oozing around eating the crap in the sludge pit.<br /><br />“You could have attacked me, and haven’t. That’s good. But my guess is you’re hungry, and ain’t too picky about what you eat. Am I right?”<br /><br />The blob quivered in what Caldwell took to be an agreeable fashion—prompting the drifter’s shadow to leap away from it and back onto the wall where it should have been.<br /><br />“Then I can help you. See, there’s this girl’s been after me for some time. I gave her the slip back in town, but I’d appreciate if this were her last stop.”<br /><br />This elicited a full mass quiver from top to bottom and back again in the thing by the sludge.<br /><br />“Oh, you like that do you? Good. I should warn you, she’s one of those magical girl types. Not sure if you know them, but the point is she’s going to fight back. Ought to be worth the struggle for something like you though, if there’s any truth in television.”<br /><br /><br />250 words<br />@DavidALudwigDavid A Ludwighttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06219640111641185242noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3660724681445159067.post-27673521937177941572013-09-26T15:27:39.802-06:002013-09-26T15:27:39.802-06:00Lightning
“Record on: Processing Facility 963 on...Lightning<br /><br /><br />“Record on: Processing Facility 963 on Planet Cromb. Captives usually struggle,” Sandra said aloud. “Subject 1586 seems to enjoy captivity. Standard integration methods have failed. Record off.”<br /><br />Just breathe. <br /><br />He could be the one. <br /><br />She could save him.<br /><br />He could save the world. <br /><br />Quickly, she checked her office closet. Her bolt bag was there - ready with everything she needed to escape. Grabbing it, she did a mental check: Data securely encrypted elsewhere - check. Boots for running – check. Weapons – check. Super-secret energy shield that protected two people and would deflect a nuke – check. Food, medic packs, blood stores, ID cards, money, and sundries packed away in a hundred different safe houses – check. Good breakfast and washroom trip – check.<br /><br />Bag in tow, she went to the cells. She nodded to the well-bribed guards as they left for an “authorized” break. She had five minutes.<br /><br />Just breathe. <br /><br />“Hello, Dr. McCombs.” The soft voice from the shadows tickled her ears.<br /><br />“I know what you are, that you were hurt. You came here on purpose – to heal.” <br /><br />“What do you want, Sandra? A tame demon for your war?” Blue orbs glowed in the dark.<br /><br />“No,” she whispered, “A free Lightning Elemental to destroy all who oppose him.”<br /><br />Silence.<br /><br />“Your offer?”<br /><br />“Me: body and blood - for the duration.”<br /><br />He snorted. <br /><br />“I’m fertile – only woman in over six thousand kliks,” she said shivering. “You’ll have progeny.”<br /><br />“Then, I can help you,” she heard.<br /><br />Static electricity crawled cross her skin as the lights went out.<br /><br />250 words without title<br />@theresabreaux<br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17500359484644348618noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3660724681445159067.post-53223862020054777192013-09-26T14:02:34.750-06:002013-09-26T14:02:34.750-06:00Pond Man
He lived plainly. Small pond, overgrown ...Pond Man<br /><br />He lived plainly. Small pond, overgrown brush and a smattering of tall hardwoods and pines leading to a dilapidated shack, maybe even a barn perhaps. No hint of electricity. His clothing woven out of animal hides and feathers. Simple moccasin shoes, although he often walked on his own bare feet. He seemed to spend his days endlessly staring into the greenish waters of the pond, following the movements of birds and the various wildlife which surrounded him at all times.<br /><br />He never left the vicinity of the pond. As though a witch’s spell held him there. Folks in town swore he’d been there since before their parents’ parents were born. Still old, even back then. Mack Garrison at the old mill even had a 1920’s photo posted on his wall of someone who looked exactly like him. Same dry worn-out skin, expressionless face, soulful eyes. The legend had spread throughout the county.<br /><br />No one knew his name, where he came from before he became “Pond Man.” And it seemed so remarkable, that he could live so long, alone like that, accompanied by so many wild, dangerous animals, which never once attacked him. <br /><br />He’d never spoken to anyone, anyone at all. <br /><br />Which is why it was so shocking to hear him say, “as long as you promise to tell NO ONE, then I can help you.” <br /><br />When I awoke, my fingers were reattached, my vision restored, my wounds completely healed. Inside his crumbling shack, no tools anywhere.<br /><br />Who was this man??<br /><br />250 WIP words<br />@ducknadoAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3660724681445159067.post-49661060816629494252013-09-26T13:24:05.957-06:002013-09-26T13:24:05.957-06:00Love this, and I love the name "Waterwheel In...Love this, and I love the name "Waterwheel Inn." I can just picture the place!Carinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3660724681445159067.post-62056453429353590582013-09-26T13:22:46.010-06:002013-09-26T13:22:46.010-06:00Thank you! My favorite Monster High character is C...Thank you! My favorite Monster High character is Cleo de Nile. I've been trying to replicate her hair style, but end up looking more like Dora the Explorer. Oh well. Carinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3660724681445159067.post-82870739611437778042013-09-26T13:21:35.081-06:002013-09-26T13:21:35.081-06:00Thank you, C.J.! It's amazing the inspiration ...Thank you, C.J.! It's amazing the inspiration you'll get when cleaning up your daughter's bedroom and fuming about the political issues of the day!! Carinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3660724681445159067.post-42907455151847791132013-09-26T13:21:22.719-06:002013-09-26T13:21:22.719-06:00The stench of sweat wafted up her nostrils, as Mic...<br />The stench of sweat wafted up her nostrils, as Michelle's eyes adjusted to the dim lighting of the dusty gym. She didn't belong there. Her conclusion was confirmed by the suspicious looks shot in her direction.<br /><br />Averting her gaze to the floor, she turned to make a quick get away only to smash into a hard mass of muscle. "Whoa. Where ya going?" She panicked as hands locked around her forearms.<br /><br />"Please..." <br /><br />"Michelle, it's me." The grip loosened and a warm hand cradled her chin, lifting her face upward.<br /><br />Her gaze flicked up to meet familiar eyes the color of dark chocolate. "Why did you ask me to meet you here?" she whispered.<br /><br />"I want to help you get past whatever demons are controlling your life. I think this will help." He squeezed her forearm lightly.<br /><br />She shook her head. "Those demons, as you say, have been with me a long, long time, Hunter. I doubt whacking a punching bag will get rid of them." She wiggled out of his grasp and headed toward the door.<br /><br />"Hey."<br /><br />Michelle spun around. "What?"<br /><br />"Give me a chance." Hunter held out his hand. "Please."<br /><br />She choked back a sob. "Don't you think I've tried everything to forget? Do you think I want to lead my life in fear?"<br /><br />"Look, sweetheart. The past is the past. That was then. I can help you, if you'll let me. You're stronger than you think."<br /><br />She blinked back tears as she reached for his hand. <br /><br />248 WIP words<br />@sandrabunino<br />Sandra Renee Pessohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12206247562167014745noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3660724681445159067.post-39054894892606241152013-09-26T12:32:38.564-06:002013-09-26T12:32:38.564-06:00LOL! Nice! I could picture the scene and the event...LOL! Nice! I could picture the scene and the eventual tension that would happen down the line when she shared her space with Aiden. Bravo!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01534284446634705363noreply@blogger.com